Insecurities

I wish I wasn’t so insecure about…well, everything. My face, my personality, and especially my body (that may be the worst insecurity there is). Let me explain.

When I see someone I think is waaaay superior to me (looks & personality), I grow quiet and don’t say much for the fear of sounding stupid and ignorant. I tend to shrink down into myself. And there is a huge reason for this.

Back in 12th grade, I thought I had finally found a legitimately nice guy, who was smart and sort of cute, but most of all he was nice. After about six months of dating, he regained contact with his really pretty ex girlfriend and I became.jealous and more introverted, because she was obviously smarter and prettier and didn’t lack a personality whatsoever. He swore he would never date her again…

Alas, graduation day, he asked her back out….less than one month after breaking up with me. It sucked. After my bad year long relationship in 10th-11th grade, it was just the icing on the cake.

I’ve been dating the same guy for two and a half years and he’s proven himself extremely loyal. He’s also very handsome and has really pretty female friends who are skinnier and in my opinion, better than me.

So when he wants to double date with his friend and his girlfriend, it makes me nervous because I feel like the girl is probably freaking gorgeous and I would have nothing to say to make me seem interesting and I have nothing to wear that would make me look skinnier or look stellar. It sucks having all that insecurity, all because of a stupid high school boy.

I’m trying to be healthier and eat better, but I have almost zero motivation (except my boyfriend). It sucks feeling like…well, for lack of a better term…a potato and having everyone around me seem like goddesses. I don’t know what to do….I just wish I felt better about myself. I don’t want to feel insecure. I want to feel beautiful, not only to my boyfriend, but to myself as well. It’s just going to take some, if not a lot, of time.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s