Insecurities

I wish I wasn’t so insecure about…well, everything. My face, my personality, and especially my body (that may be the worst insecurity there is). Let me explain.

When I see someone I think is waaaay superior to me (looks & personality), I grow quiet and don’t say much for the fear of sounding stupid and ignorant. I tend to shrink down into myself. And there is a huge reason for this.

Back in 12th grade, I thought I had finally found a legitimately nice guy, who was smart and sort of cute, but most of all he was nice. After about six months of dating, he regained contact with his really pretty ex girlfriend and I became.jealous and more introverted, because she was obviously smarter and prettier and didn’t lack a personality whatsoever. He swore he would never date her again…

Alas, graduation day, he asked her back out….less than one month after breaking up with me. It sucked. After my bad year long relationship in 10th-11th grade, it was just the icing on the cake.

I’ve been dating the same guy for two and a half years and he’s proven himself extremely loyal. He’s also very handsome and has really pretty female friends who are skinnier and in my opinion, better than me.

So when he wants to double date with his friend and his girlfriend, it makes me nervous because I feel like the girl is probably freaking gorgeous and I would have nothing to say to make me seem interesting and I have nothing to wear that would make me look skinnier or look stellar. It sucks having all that insecurity, all because of a stupid high school boy.

I’m trying to be healthier and eat better, but I have almost zero motivation (except my boyfriend). It sucks feeling like…well, for lack of a better term…a potato and having everyone around me seem like goddesses. I don’t know what to do….I just wish I felt better about myself. I don’t want to feel insecure. I want to feel beautiful, not only to my boyfriend, but to myself as well. It’s just going to take some, if not a lot, of time.

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Siblings: Your first best friends.

Everyone, meet my best friend.

Everyone, meet my best friend.

This here is my best friend, Pat. We’ve been in a relationship for almost two and a half years, and let me tell you, they’ve been two of the greatest years of my life.
Currently I’m watching him make us tacos for dinner (since his roomie went home for the weekend) and at the same time, I’m thinking, “Wow, this man loves me to death, and would do anything for me.” That is a powerful feeling, especially when I feel the same way about him.
We have the apartment to ourselves this weekend, and I think we’re going shooting tomorrow morning if we wake up on time.
He is the best thing to ever happen to me.